Sunday, November 2, 2008

WHY DON'T THEY MAKE THAT????

I woke up this morning and was running late for work...run out to my truck and I find one of these........



So while my dear hubby breaks out the air compressor and fills my pitiful tire...he tells me I should always carry a can of this in my truck......

I'm thinking this is a pretty dang cool thing to have around. I mean it's practically MAGIC! He sends me off to work and tells me to make sure I take it easy and drive carefully on the bad tire!




While I'm driving down the turnpike at 85 miles an hour, with a coke in one hand and a Big Mac in the other, steering with my knees....An idea pops into my head. If they can produce that magic can of tire filler......why not some other handy dandy fixes in a can!



like these products........



Are you at your wits end dealing with that back talking teen? Do you wish there was an exchange policy for kids? Puberty getting you down?

Well It's your lucky day! All you really need is this....





Did you ever tattoo the name of your boyfriend on your body during a drunken stupor...only to have him break up with you two days later?



Well here is the answer to your prayers....




Running late for work and accidentally back over Fluffy the neighbors cat?


Just stick the nozzle in the poor kitty's mouth and instantly......



Married to a lying, cheating, scum sucking piece of dog dung?


Just stick the hose in his....well...You KNOW where to stick the hose. Use entire can, in fact you might want to keep a spare of .........



Did you say something rotten about your boss while he was standing behind you? Did you accidentally leave the iron on all day and start a wee fire......


NO PROBLEM...we have you covered....




Ladies....sick and tired of all that endless dieting. Do you look in the mirror and see lumps, bumps and excess poundage?


Well now you can eat all the chocolate your little heart desires. Because we have just made the new and amazing........



Trying to stay up on all the latest designer fashions....but you think you may have made a little faux pas on your latest purchase?



Your money has not been wasted....just liberally spray on......

Hubby a little miffed because you sold his favorite golf shirt at your yard sale? Did you overdraw the checking account buying new shoes? Is he ready to take away your credit card or walk out the door?

Never fear...just remove the cap and drench him in our latest invention.....



Running for the Dunkin Donut shop because it's almost closing time...and forgot to look both ways before you crossed the street. You got mashed by that senior citizens bus heading to Reno?

Never Fear......get a nice bystander to cover you with.....


And now my favorite of all the new products available in stores today. I think I'll be buying this one by the case.....well on second thought, I think I'll buy it by the TRAIN LOAD.


this could well be the greatest invention of our time!

127 comments:

Mrs de Miranda said...

hahahha! that is some amazing stuff!!

da Bergs said...

HAHAHA! AND you would make millions! You go girl and put my name on the list for 10 cans!

Shauna said...

LOL! Love it :)

Jori-O said...

HAHAHAHA! That is a GREAT post!! Just remember us little folk when you make your ba-jillions!!

Lilly's Life said...

H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!!!! How did you get my picture outside the Dunkin Donut shop pray tell? When those magic cans get to the market - I'll order several cases of each one thanks!!

Bridget said...

Nikki, you may be even more twisted than I am (if that is possible!) LOL I need a few of those products. I'll take a case of Fix a Fat first though. The perfect remedy to Halloween candy overeating.

Chris said...

This made me laugh so hard,and the next train load would be my order.


Hugs,
Chris

Bill said...

Too funny for words. And some think a G rated blog can't be funny - keep on proving em wronggirl, you rock!

Lizzie said...

HA HA, i LOVE them all!! i think i'll take 2 of each :)

the last one might have to be my favorite. have a good sunday.

Heather said...

Oooh, there are several of those I definitely need to pick up. By the case from Sam's Club...........

It is posts like this that made me do this: http://nobody-but-yourself.blogspot.com/2008/11/spreading-love-saturday.html

*mwah*

Diane@A Picture is Worth.... said...

Hi Nikki,
This is adorable. You are very creative. I know one thing, whoever invented 'Fix A Fat' would probably end up a billionaire...I would love some of that stuff!

Thanks for the fix a flat tip...I don't think I knew about it!

Darlene said...

Oh MY GOsh Nikki you are the funniest thing!!!! That is GREAT!

Rebecca said...

That is hilarious! The last is my favorite too!

santamaker said...

I don't care what the democrats say about your, girl......... you're still too funny for words!
That was a disgusting picture of a splat...mmmm... might not be able to eat another donut ever again...

sandy said...

I'll take 5 cans of "Fix a Brat" please!

Too funny!

Smilingsal said...

LOL I'll take a case of that last one, and get me a case of the Fix Fat too. lol

Not The Rockefellers said...

Oh man can you overnight the "Fix a Brat?" And please double my order!

Peace - Rene

Sandy said...

Now why didn't I think of that?! LOL

Best laugh I've had all day!!

Eudea-Mamia said...

ROTFLMAO - (hope I got all the letters in there)

Pure brilliance.

And seriously, put me down for a case as well. I have a couple of friends that will need to be maced come Wednesday, or I might just end up in the slammer for manslaughter - because it will be accidental, but completely jusitfied in the eyes of Texas jurors.

Em

Linda said...

LOL !! Just make sure you put a warning on the fix a fat can - "warning, will explode if punctured by a needle!"

Seriously though, if you do use fix a flat, make sure anyone who ever tries to remove that tire knows about it. It can be dangerous for them to later remove that tire.

Great post!!

Twice as Nice said...

You are TOO funny!!! How do you come up with this stuff? You should be a writer for The Tonight Show!!

GaleForceOne said...

Nice one Mom! You really do come up with the greatest ideas! You and Jared. HAHAH I enjoyed the Fix-a-Tat, Fix-a-Splat, and Fix-a-Democrat!! lolol

Jess

Bo said...

Oh Nikki...Your little noodle-dome worked overtime on this one! What a good, big belly laugh I had...LOL
Even my DH laughed over this...
;-) Bo

Michael said...

He he he he...what a crack up! I love the Democrat, lol. You are too much :)

KC Mom said...

Now that's about the funniest thing I've seen all week. Seriously girl, will you please patent these products pronto...and for sure get the last one done by tuesday!

cedwards55 said...

I don't need the Fix a Brat because my children are perfect (NOT) but I'll take a case of everything else. Where do I send my shipping info and visa number?

Blissful Nikki said...

lol tooo funny! I love the last one! :)

Auds at Barking Mad! said...

This is one of the funniest things I've read in AGES! WORD!

I sooooo needed the laugh, especially just mere days away from the election!

Sandy Toes said...

OH MY WORD! This post is SO VERY VERY funny!!! I loved it....it's just great!
-sandy toes

laurie said...

What a fun post! I have laughed all the way through it! You are one smart lady. I'll take a case of everything except the "Fix Brat". Mine are adults now, but I sure wish I had had some when they were teens! Thanks for the fun post. laurie

eve cleveland said...

Nikki..
Girl, I will take 10 case of all of 'em. You need to git you a pay pal on here, Shuga. Fix a Tat, Gawd knows how many cans of that alone I could have already sold.
Stumbled ya, and thankin' up other thangs I can do to to help you prosper.
Go 'head on, you jist moved to the top of ma class.
Eve

Amy said...

That is hilarious! I want a lifetime supply of that Fix a Brat. I seriously could use it :D

bj said...

this is a waaay cute posting, Nikki girl...and you would know for certain that THE LAST ONE IS MY VERY FAVORITE...
POST IT AGAIN ON TUES. MORNING!!:O)
love, bj

Anonymous said...

Lost my bagel over this one !!!


LOLLLLLLL


Kathy :)

Firefly said...

LOL love it hahaha :)

Sher's Creative Expressions said...

Very cute. As a mom, I must say, please be careful driving down the freeway at 85 miles an hour, with a drink in one hand and a Big Mac in other . . . driving with your knees!!!

Yes, my favorite is the last one. Fix a Democrat. GO JOHN MCCAIN!!! Get out and VOTE!!

Blessings,

Sher

Ginger said...

A very funny post....You definitely need an award for this one!!!
Ginger

jill jill bo bill said...

That was the funniest thing EVER!!! I would have said ASSHAT instead of RAT, but I'm kinda bitchy. Can I say those words on your blog? I love you, Nik. You crack me up.

Life on Bonnie Lane said...

I howled in laughter at this one, especially the ones about fix a cat and fix a rat. Where was that one when I was married? And oh yes, I know exactly where to put the nozzle, lol. I could use most of these except Fix a Democrat...because I am one. That's ok, I'm still feeling the blog love! lol

Kady

Sue said...

Your WACKY!!!! I loved the "Fix a Tat"....this post should get you well over 100 comments again...I'm telling you, you need to hit the comedy circuit...Or maybe "The Last Comic Standing"...

The Nice One said...

OH MY GOSH.
Every time I come here...EVERY TIME...I am busting a seam from laughing. You're so fun!

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

You da brat! HAHA

beth at aunties said...

Your a crazy wonderful woman who makes my day, every day!!!! Watch the dow soar up with this on the market:) So creative and fun...
Happy Sabbath!

Swirl Girl said...

this was hysterical!

wouldn't it be great if there was actually a product like this??

thanks for the laugh!!

Marrdy said...

Holy Kats!! That is some funny stuff. And I need a case of each please!

tam said...

LoL! I FrEaKiN LoVe It!
~Tam :D

Picket said...

Nikki!!! You crazy thing you!!! lol lol You gotta get out of the house more girl!!! lol lol

Jan said...

You have certainly out done yourself today. That was brilliant. I wish I had a few cans of some of those lying around myself. That was quite the splat. I need a can to fix blogging time. Fix a sat.

You have a great day Nikki and thanks for making mine a whole lot happier :)

Tracey said...

Where can I get me some of that Fix a Fat??!!!!

Michelle said...

LOL! You so clever! After you send Tracey a can of fix a Fat send me some too. :)

Anonymous said...

Another funny one...and I'm a democrat :o)

Tiffany

Beverly said...

Okay, you win. This is the best post of the day. I love every type of fix-it. ;-)

joelandbecca said...

I laughed so hard! I just made Joel read this one! I love all of those!

squawmama said...

I am sitting here dead tired just LMAO... What are you a unknown comic??? or maybe your known... If your not you should be.. You are one of the funniest women I know... Where do you come up with all this stuff? Great Post!!!! I am sure you could sell that stuff if even as a gimic...

(((HUGS)))
Donna

meg said...

ROTFLOL~ that was hysterical! I could use a few cases of "Brat", "Drat", & "Fat"~ you're a genius :-)

Titania Starlight said...

I needed a good laugh like this. Too funny. I would love to have a case of the Fix A Fat and Fix a Drat! :o)

mishebe said...

Good luck trying to fix me ( I am democratic). But as always you r hilarious and very creative. mishelle

Steph said...

Oh, my, that was HYSTERICAL! By the way, you should ALWAYS let the tire mechanic know that you used Fix-A-Flat on the tire he is removing from your wheel. Or else he will be seething mad as you-know-what because it sprayed all over him and in his eyes when he removed said tire. Just so ya know. Not that I know by experience or anything.

ksarra said...

Thanks for the smiles Nikki!

onlymehere said...

Quick give me the 1-800 number to order my year's supply!!! I really want to creep inside your mind and spend a day to see how all these ideas ferment and formulate!! You keep me laughing myself silly. I especially like the fix a democrat, so timely. Maybe we could have it sprayed out of crop dusters on top of all the voting booths on Tuesday morning. That'll solve it all!! Thanks for the many chuckles today!

Kathi~Lavender, Lace and Thyme said...

ROFLOLI!!! Darn, I just ran out of my last can....now I have to run out and get a case as I had no idea all of these uses! :D

Nancy said...

Hurry up and get that fix a democrat, it's almost too late!!!LOL Nancy

Becky said...

You are a mess! LOL!!

Ma'dame French said...

Ha ha ha very funny! French

amelia bedelia said...

oh my gosh, i laughed my butt off, well really i didn't because its still there (and big!) anyway, my sister, jill jill bo bill, told me to go visit you....man, she's bossy, but i'm glad i did! your a scream!

Shannon said...

LOL!

I'd like to know where to buy a supply of those! All would be great!

Jill said...

Hysterical and creative! I was lmao the whole way through! Thanks for the laugh!

Jill

Renna said...

You have an amazing wit!

Kristen said...

Let me know if you ever find the "Fix a Fat".

jeanne said...

Nikki, I am glad I arrived back home in time to see your post today. I shared it with my dh and we both think you've got something here. There is only one thing to say. I do not think a democrat can be fixed. They are so sure of their choice for president and only time will tell about that.

Your humor borders on genius girl. Love you and your post today.

Jeanne

Jen r. said...

Ha ha! Genius!

mommaof4wife2r said...

can someone please send that lst can to the obama camp? maybe if he's fixed...well, enough said.

Karen said...

I could have used a "Fix a Rat" back about 12 years ago! Love the last one; can you get some to me before tomorrow? Karen

big hair envy said...

Here's the deal Nikki - I need for you to send a tractor-trailer load of the last one to Virginia. PRONTO! I will assemble the troops, and I think we can cover half the state before the polls open tomorrow:) Wish us luck!

Ally said...

I could've used the Fix-a-Spat yesterday! :o) Gave ya another bloggy award today!

ko said...

u absolutely kill me...even in my running to the bathroom...i am still laughing.....thanks for making me feel better for 3 minutes
kyley

Sincerely Yours said...

Nikki, Nikki!!! I should know better by now than to drink anything while reading your blog!!!lol lol lol I guess I could use the "splat" can! Have a great one - Sincerely, Jeannette

Sue said...

I WISH YOU HAD PUT YOUR COMMENT ON MY LAST POST SO PEOPLE COULD SEE IT, INSTEAD OF HIDING IT

gingela5 said...

Haha...that's great! I'll take the biggest can of Fix a Fat you have!

Sherilyn -The Dominee Huisvrouw said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! Not sure how you found me, & I don't remember how I found you, but I really enjoyed reading your blog!

elizabeth said...

That is absolutely the funniest blog post I have EVER read!

Donna said...

Nikki,

That was hilarious!

xoxoxo
Donna

Brenda said...

You are a genius! I would totally buy most of those products!

Penny said...

Now did you have to go and print that splat of me in the road?! LOL
You're hilariously funny.

Rebeckah said...

So very funny! Made my day!

Rue said...

Nikki honey... are you trying to start a fight? LOL You KNOW I LOVED this post ;)

(((hugs)))
rue

angie said...

Hilarious post!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

This post was great! Not too sure about the fix a democrat one though. I have a few of those I know and love and don't want to change them a bit. :-)

Claudie said...

Fun Blog. Love your humor!!
Love your dogs.
Is your back yard finished yet?
Claudie from Canada

Linda said...

Me cave?? naaaaaaawwwww - well maybe naw........... LOL

Justine said...

ROFL! Where did you find all of those pics? That last one of the splat lady was actually pretty damn disgusting. Loved it! Heeheeheee

Justine :o )

Aleta said...

LMAO - These were great! Loved the Rat one!

Shannon said...

I officially nominte you as write-in candidate for the best post of the month!! Too much!

salmagundi said...

I'd buy that "Fix the Fat" in a minute. They need to make something that would work besides exercise!! Sally

Becky Lewis said...

you are a funny girl - love your blog!

Susie Q said...

YOU are one crazy lady...ahh...MY kinda lady!
Thanks for the laughs! I loved it!

haffnewie said...

Just happened by... love your humor! You have a great imagination! And I'd buy a case of the last can you came up with!! Very cute! I'll be back.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Of all things for me to laugh at, the kitty in the street got me. Hey, is it true it's your birthday? Happy Birthday!

sheila from life @ #17 said...

I'd like a case of Fix a Fat, please...it is for, um, a friend...yeah, a friend...

candiceschenk said...

Seriously...super funny!!!

Shelia said...

Ha ha ha ha!! Hee Hee Hee Hee!! You are truly the funniest and most clever one!! I want some of this stuff!!
Be a sweetie and stay funny,
Shelia ;)

Fifi Flowers said...

You are HYSTERICAL!
Fix everything with a can... oh how I wish that could happen!

Mc Allen said...

wow, Ive got to get myself some of this!! And FYI I just vomited in my mouth a little bit bit when I saw the naked fluffy dude deflated on the street!!! EAAAAKKKK!! LA

Big Toe Mom said...

SNARK- dangola Nikki, this is really funny!
i need a case of everything, hurry please.
and HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! week, month, year, whatever it is, i hope its a good one!!!

Holly said...

That was good for several laughs! Is that splat photo for real? Ugh. Can we send out crop dusters tomorrow loaded up with Fix a Democrat?

Anna Lefler said...

OMG, you're killin' me! And the weird thing is...I had a flat this morning, too.

Dang, I could have used that can! (and about seven of its variants...)

Awesome!

XO

Anna

TMI said...

This totally cracked me up.... too funny!

French Fancy said...

that must have taken you hours to do, nikki. And 107 comments!!!!!

anyway, I've tagged you - please don't hate me

The Blonde Duck said...

You've got the answers to everything! Awesome!

Sincerely Yours said...

Hi again Nikki! Just a quick note to THank You for your input on cooktop! I too fear gas like I'm gonna blow up the house when I light a candle!lol Seems almost everyone loves the glass tops! You guys are really helping me make a decision (which I'm not good at!lol) Have a great day - Sincerely, Jeannette

Anonymous said...

AHHHHH haaa haa hha ahhhhh hee hee oh ah ah o o o o blaaaaaa ha ha haa ....sigh.......... I can't breathe....

italianblonde

Anonymous said...

AHHHHH haaa haa hha ahhhhh hee hee oh ah ah o o o o blaaaaaa ha ha haa ....sigh.......... I can't breathe....

italianblonde

Anonymous said...

So funny I needed to post twice! he he he
Italianblonde

Kate The Great said...

Too too funny!

Melissa Wertz said...

Oh Nikki! That is good!

mine, by magpie said...

hahaha- nicely done- LOVED that!!!

nikkicrumpet said...

Hey Patti!!! So glad you came by for a visit! And I'm glad it gave you a good laugh!

Heather said...

When ever they come out with Fix a Fat I will be buying it by the caseloads! You crack me up.

Shannon said...

Fix a splat! OMG- What a picture!! Gotta luv Dunkies humor!

Peggy-Just A Plain Gal said...

Nikki, I have LMAO at this post! Our black lab got hold of a can of Fix-a-Flat one time, bit into it, the can blew up, and Max took off running and disappeared for 3 days! Our neighbor called to tell us that he thought our dog must have rabies, cuz Max raced across his yard, foaming at the mouth! LMAO!

Raxx - A day in the life said...

Boy do I need a can of that!

Heather said...

LOL! LOL! You are too funny! I so enjoy reading your blog!
-Heather:)

Anonymous said...

LOL over and over...I love this one!!!! The last was BEST. I almost peed my pants!

Leslie said...

OMG, that's hilarious! Found your blog while blog-hopping, great post!

tardevil said...

Love this post...of course I like the last can the best, but I think we need a much larger can & cases and cases and cases...you know the rest!

tardevil said...

P.S. My daughter calls them Democraps...and I'm having a hard time being a good parent & making her say it the right way....

Cindy said...

Funny stuff! Really enjoyed your blog!

 

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