Inside this drawer is my ultimate shame.....for I am a "MAKEUP JUNKY"
How do these purveyors of facial glop lure me in?
Part of the problem is I'm drawn to shiny things...yup I love me some sparkle and shine.....so they catch me with mirrors and fancy glittering cases.....
And soft brushes....Lot's of floofie, puffy applicators. They make me feel like an artist..just waiting to create a masterpiece on my face. (generally more Picasso than Rembrandt)
I've noticed the older I get the bigger my collection of "cover ups" gets. It takes larger quantities of this stuff to do the job. I never figured out how that green stuff can cover up my red stuff...but hey I saw it on an ad somewhere...
Then there's the stuff to add a soft glow to my otherwise pallid complexion. It makes me look DEWEY & FRESH. Or like a clown...but they never tell you that part.
Oh look...the Siamese twins of makeup. I'm not even sure what it is...but they always get me if they package it in clever ways! How cool is that! They share a head!
On the rough days I break out the BIG GUNS...if it says "Spackle" you know it's gonna be heavy duty....Notice my eyes seem to need much more Spackle than my lips. The one on the left is the face Spackle...that one I purchase by the case!
And speaking of lips.....Does this look normal to anyone....just how much lipstick is too much...at what point does it say "crazy woman"?
I tend to experiment with mascara....Always looking for that magical brand that will make my lashes look like those babes on TV. So far such "eye perfection" has eluded me. Notice the two on the right side...they come with their own built in mirrors , also notice I didn't even bother to peel off the protective coat on one of them...but why not? This is such a handy thing to have a mirror right there on your mascara...a GENIUS idea no?
NO! Lets not kid ourselves...at my age a mirror like that is totally useless! So I went out and bought a 5X's magnification...woo hoo now I can see my head. Then I got a 10X's magnifier to attach at the bottom....YIKES no one should see themselves that clearly!!!!! I think I prefer denial....
And here are the goodies for the eyes....For a person with only two of them.....this seems a bit extreme.
And then we have what I call....the nublets. Those remains of makeup past...that are now too small to even grip in your fingers...but you keep them.....I guess in case there is ever a makeup famine.
Here are my makeup tools.....WAIT...let me explain! There is a heated eyelash curler (shut up!)tweezers that only get the easy hairs, the second tweezer for the big daddies that fight back!, sharpener, screw driver (oh please don't pretend you don't have one in your makeup kit)....pocket knife (if you can't fix it or cover it up...just cut it off) and that black thing....I've been looking all over for that!
This is such a cool gadget. Looks like a sweet little kitty head right? And it's a KEY CHAIN....but wait....it gets better.
Just slip your fat little fingers into the eyes when you're walking back to your car after a night of
And if you're assaulted...ya POKE THEIR EYES OUT!!! pretty nifty huh? Why is it in my makeup drawer you ask? Because if I poke myself in the eyes before I look in the mirror....I can't see all the sags and wrinkles...it's better that way!
Two questions....what substance are my eyelashes made of that they rip the teeth right out of this comb (opposite the brush side....there was a comb)....and second...why the heck am I keeping this????
Now this is how you tell the difference between a young chick's makeup drawer...and an old Chick's....you count up how many products they own that do the following things: Lift, Repair, Soften, Remove, Decrease, Plump, Firm and Renew. Here is proof that I am VERY old.
At least as a collector I'm not brand snobbish. I have my favorites, but I'm always willing to try the next great thing that will make me look like Heidi Klum instead of Cloris Leachman