Wednesday, September 9, 2009

~♥~ I WISH WEDNESDAY ~♥~

I wish..........................that I had known earlier why it took my hubby so long in the bathroom. Suddenly it all makes more sense. Notice the "free do not disturb sign" I hate to break it to you buddy...but if you own this game....you ARE disturbed.




I wish.........................to inform the makers of "Uro Club" that you ain't fooling anyone! Yes...that's right....it's a fake golf club that comes with an attached towel that you URINATE INTO...... I'd hate to see the version made for lady golfers!



I wish............................the makers of children's toys would "re-think".....sure... Every little girl should have her own toy stripper pole.


I wish......................to tell the subway people...."You can't blame the ladies" they probably all got a "peek a boo" stripper pole for their 7th birthday!



I wish.......................the makers of the "bump it" would have stuck with the human market. Although this bitch is "workin it"!



I wish............................ I'd known sooner that dogs could read! Crap I'm in so much trouble if Crumpet finds my blog!






I wish.......................You'd all stop hatin on me.




I wish..................we had even more of these dedicated law officers.





I wish.........................I could get married all over again....just to wear these shoes.



I wish....................I could get married again and infuse some honesty into the event.

And after that happens.............this happens.......



I wish.........................to say (while we're on the subject of weddings) that there is a cool new blog where you can tell all those stories about your hubby and his dopey shenanigans that you can't post on your own blog. Lets face it...we can only dish so much dirt without fear of him actually reading our blogs someday. So check out "stupid things husbands do" and share your REAL stories.






I wish.........................to declare that under no circumstances do I condone violence of any kind...............well........maybe just a little.





I wish.........................to never be on the train whose engineer needs this sign.







I wish...............................to ask the question...........




I wish...................that my daughter Lacey didn't have me on an "eating lifestyle change" I've been on this DIET (yes honey I said the bad word) for so long....I'm having some unusual cravings.........




I wish...................that my "eating lifestyle change" will start working so I can fit into this new luxury apartment.




I wish........................I didn't listen to Lacey about changing my eating habits...heck who knew all I needed to do was get my teeth fixed?????




I wish...................to inform my hubby.... IF you give me this as a gift..... I'm gonna start sleeping with one eye open and a gun under my pillow....I'm just sayin...


I wish.............................His mother had been a member of "planned parenthood"




Thanks for stopping by for another I wish Wednesday....and here's to wishing all your "gettin skinny" wishes come true! As for me......I'm heading for the chocolate.

105 comments:

Melissa Wertz said...

Oh Nikki! This is good! I am laughing so hard!

Heather said...

YAY! I Wish Wednesday! The perfect way to procrastinate on that housework..............

Thanks for the laughs! :D

Pedaling said...

3 images saved -
Micheal Moore-
stupidity
and the dog talking sign

but they are all funny!

love it when you FINALLY post!

Diane @ Four Paws and Co said...

Good ones Nikki! I've missed you! ☺ diane

Brenda said...

SO glad your back! You always make my day!

MJW said...

WELCOME BACK!!!

The family with the whatever it was fluffy stuff - hilarious! :)

Tootsie said...

YEAH BABY!!!! I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK!!! now don't you be going missing ever again...ya hear me???

Sunny said...

I wish...I had gone to the bathroom before I read your post! Too funny.
Sunny :)

Heather @ Sugar N Spice Mostly Nice said...

Love the golfers urinal, too funny!

Glad your back and hope you had a great summer!!

Ann On and On... said...

I wish I would have never seen the photo with the family in those...costumes? I really hope I do not dream about it...Hee Hee Hee....fun post!

Shelia said...

Nikki! Nikkiness!! You're back! I've missed you!! I'm so glad to see you're back to your funnies again! Hope you've had a nice break and aren't so ticked off now! Hey, a little punch in the stomach never hurt anyone! :) Especially a hubby ever now and then! :) you know I'm kidding!
Be a sweetie,
Shelia :)

Darlene said...

Hey Nikki,

Glad to see you are back with another HILARIOUS post!!!! Too FUNNY!

natalie said...

I wish I knew why the faux naked family was furry. That made me throw up a little in my mouth.

Yay for Wednesdays!!

Grand Pooba said...

Booyah! I am so dead if my dog reads my blog too. Good thing I wrote it in enlgish and not woofish!

Thanks for the gift idea, I now know what to get my little niece for her next birthday, a stripper pole! Genius.

H.K. said...

Do you know where I can get that toy stripper pole, I um...need it for a research project...yeah, that's it!

Miss Wishful Wednesdays!

dana said...

I've seen those photos before and NEVER could have come up with your witty answers. I've also seen the "fuzzy people" before but never notice that the little girl is holding her father's...uh...appendage. And as for buying your wife a cemetery plot, in my prior marriage, I bought one for wasbund's birthday. HINT?

imjacobsmom said...

Yay! It's I wish Wednesday! A great selection again, Nikki! ~ Robyn

Kristina P. said...

I wish you would post more than once a month!

And I saw those naked body suits recently, and debated putting it on my blog. I love that you will even go past my standards.

Quirkyloon said...

Oh another classic Nikki post! Thank goodness! It's about time you took a break from Bejeweled and blogged for a change!

*smile*

As for your post? Good. Good. Excellent.

ha!

M-Cat said...

Oh how I have missed you!!! I needed these laughs today. Thank you!

Cecelia---Sis---Mom said...

You have been missed and thank you so much for the laughs today!!! I love these.

Cece

Rainy Day Farm said...

I am so glad that you are back! I have really missed my weekly laugh session. Love the bumper sticker. I have one on my gas guzzling suburban that says
I will keep my money, gun, and freedom and you can keep the "Change".
I love driving around my very liberal state with that on there.
I wish Micheal Moore's mother had made a differnt been part of planned parenthoo too!

Lisa Loo said...

I wish that you would adopt me....

Laura said...

I've missed these! Glad you're back! And yes, why? why? why? LOL!

mbkatc230 said...

Thanks for the laughs today, really needed it after the week I've had so far. Although, I may retract that thank you if I have nightmares about the very odd family "uniforms"! And I have to have the "stupidity" sign, anyone know where to order one??? Have a great week. Kathy

Swirl Girl said...

So good to have you back where you belong!

I wish that people had enough sense of humor (and guts) to actually post some of these signs for real!!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Good to see you again!

I'm a bit traumatized by some of the pictures. The furry family...the little girl is holding the dad's wee wee???? Uh....ewwwww.

Michele said...

I sooooo have missed you! I needed this today! That furry family is just sad...so sad.

Hugz,
Michele

Higgs Happenin's said...

I SAW THAT CAKE TOPPER AT WALMART! No lie. yesterday. They probably still have them. Love your post once again I was roflol. Ya whoever came up with that acronym was spending too much time wasting their life.

Nana said...

I have started my getting skinny goal at least 4 times this Summer.
It just isn't taking.

Sandi @the WhistleStop Cafe said...

Precious!!!

Justine said...

OMG, some of these were sooooo great! Potty putter? Are you shitting me? heeheehee

Okay, the family in the nekkid suits is actually disturbing. Did you notice that the little girl is holding the dad's fake penis? GROSS!

Okay, I'm very sorry to hear that Lacey has you on a lifestyle/eating change. Especially if you're now craving a nice serving of pussy.

Heeheehee

Justine :o )

Donna said...

I like the post.That really made my day.The pics are great and funny.I told my hubby about the one with the Valentines and he lol.HA!HA! He also said that,that was a good idea.LOL!! Saying he knows what to get me for Valentines now.LMAO!!!

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

You always make me laugh!!! Thank you so much!!

carma said...

Did not realize the extent of the furry family pic until reading the comments about the girl holding the pecker -eeeegads!! and the uro-Club - please tell me people don't really buy these kinds of things instead of walking their lazy a$$es to the restroom.

Also, I sure hope people stop hatin' on ya!!! You are not running for office :D

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

YEA, yea, YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I love it when you post! And siiiiiiiiiick, that girl will be scarred forever. I don't care that it is a fuzzy replica...that is HER DAD!!!!!!!!!

Becky said...

Oh honey! You have given me SO much to work with this week!!!!

First the pee in the towel golfer....um ewwww!!! That is so lame and gross and lazy! And guys that actually consider using this just plain suck!

LOLLOLOL~they see me rollin...they hatin...you know it!!

And the kitty in the bowl in priceless! Pashaw! Your not that hungry that you would eat the little puttie tat! Too cute:)

Love it! Love that your back even more!!

Lee Laurie said...

I'm so glad you are back! I've been missing you and your funny posts! I really needed this!

Suzann @ The Olive Cottage said...

Babe, after my day today - I so needed this. But, I don't know if I will ever not be disturbed by that family photo. I thought it was ugly and then I saw the little girl fondling. Oh my - it's just wrong. LOL

aforestfrolic said...

Is that little girl actually playing with his......oh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit! Honestly!!

Jamie :)

Scrappy Girl said...

Oh I hope Kristina doesn't upgrade her snuggie...she posts an awful lot of pics...LOL

Shady Creek Lane said...

I am so happy to see you have returned. Wednesdays' post from you are the highlight of my week.
One question, Why give Michael Moore even one ounce of face time.
Now THAT makes me throw up in my mouth.

Phyllis said...

OMG - love the bride dragging the groom! And the one after that is hysterical!

Seems like you might need to build some strength back up so you can make us laugh more!

LadyFi said...

Hilarious! Love the sign that talks to the dogs.

And now I know why I will never play golf!

roy/elisabeth dean said...

FINALLY!!! My whining, groveling, bribery and bodily threats paid off! NIKKI's BACK! I was hours away from ringing your doorbell!

Funny pictures (well, all but furry, waaaay too familiar with one another, family).

Where are the kitty cats ears? Did you already eat them?

I am so printing the Stupity sign and framing it!!!

Love ya, mean it~
♥,Lilly

raccoonlover1963 said...

Hi Nikki! No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth, it just seems like it.
Great post. Too funny. The "snuggie family" is just wrong on so many levels! Love the bowl of kitty! Too cute!
Take care and have a great rest of the week.
Lisa

Mimi Sue said...

Where do you get these funny things? I surely do love the cake topper. Mimi

Ginger said...

Welcome back to "Wednesday"..so dang funny. Your comments to the pictures are hilarious.

John Deere Mom said...

Nikki! Your best yet! So glad to see you in my reader this morning!! Those knitted body suits?! EEK!!!

SmilingSally said...

I enjoyed my morning because of this post! Thanks!

Marrdy said...

Thanks for putting a smile on my face and a song in my heart! (church anyone??) I REALLY needed a smile today. You are the best.

Cheshyre Cat said...

In answer to some questions....

My Hope and Change are working rather well for me, personally. Of course, since it's only been almost 1 out of 4 years, we're only 1/4 of the way done with all that change. Please wait before declaring it to be done. At least we all waited until Bush's 2nd term to decide he was in idiot. please do the Liberals the same courtesy.

As for the...what's his face that does the Liberal Movies....
Sure, not everything he says is accurate. But then again, it's political. Dishonesty and Politics go together. They have for years. But it's not like he's any worse than...say...Rush Limbaugh.

I'm not Liberal...I just hate bashing. If it were conservative bashing, I'd be just as rude. But there isn't any. Just the one end.

Your friendly Neighborhood.....
Cheshyre Cat

nikkicrumpet said...

Yes Cheshyre...it is one sided. Because it's MY BLOG and I'll post what I want here. If you don't like it then do us both a favor and don't visit. Just the same way I change the channel if Oberman is talking. just the same way I don't watch Michael Moore movies. And it might benefit you just a bit if you got yourself a sense of humor.

The Garden of Egan said...

Wow, that uroclub is just wrong on so many levels!
Icky!

Jill said...

I wish I had those chic's shoes!!! I would like them better if they lit up! LOL!
And the whole pee in the golf club thingy... YUCK!... DOUBLE YUCK!

Audrey at Barking Mad! said...

I love IWW...even though I can't make it here until at least Thursday. But I look at it this way. IWW (and your blog in general) is like dessert. As long as I eat my greens then I can come and visit and have my dessert. And hey, it doesn't go straight to my hips!

Tracey said...

Thanks for the laughs....So, does this mean you are back now?
Tracey

jeanne said...

Hurray, Nikki is back. I am thrilled to see you posting again Nikki. I come over often and today I squealed with delight. Love your post today. I have missed your humor and talent for having a fun blog. You go girl.

Hugs...Jeanne

Shawn said...

Lots of great ones!! I have been on DIET also----yech---I hate them----but the only one that has worked for me is that low carb thing---5 lbs in 3 weeks!! YAY me!!

(wish I could have chocolate---sigh)

Sue said...

Thanks Nikki for the new Blog Plug!! We need some foot traffic...I'm sure you'll be by to add a story unless you happen to be married to the "perfect" husband who never does anything stupid.....are there any of those out there???

The Missus said...

Nikki: Thanks so much for posting a link to us!! (By the way, I love the potty putter).... this might also explain why my husband can spend hour upon hour in the bathroom...)

Pink Roses and Teacups said...

Hi Nikki,

Thanks for the laughs! You need to post more often. :)

Debbie

Devon said...

Ah ha ha ha, makes me laugh. Where do you come up with this stuff?

Cherie said...

Your Back!

I wish...You wouldn't be gone so long - that is if I get a wish - ha ha.

That furry family was just WRONG!!!!

I want to be skinny too!!

MJ's doghouse said...

awesome....

Anne Fannie said...

Hi Nikki, glad to see you back on Wednesdays!
I can truly relate to the diet thing. I am so hungry I could eat one of my ceramic roosters...
Have a great weekend!
Ann

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Wow. You have been missed. :)

That Pee Putter? So wrong on so many levels...but the fuzzy naked family takes the cake...ewwwwwww!!!

I've been on a DIET, too - wonder if I should be looking at our cat, Norman, in a whole new light? ;)

Great to have you back, Nikki! :)

Jessica said...

LOL.....good to see you posting. :) Don't you know that dark chocolate is good for the heart....so enjoy!

Thanks so much for coming by and seeing my master bedroom re`do. It meant so much to me.

Hugs~ J

blueviolet said...

I would absolutely kill my husband if he spent one more second in the bathroom than he already does. And it's not just the morning constitutional. There are at least 4-5 more visits.

I really can't even think of my husband anymore without the word poop coming to mind.

Sandy Toes said...

My oh my where do you find these things...the picture of the family in their "costumes" is just CRAZY!
sandy toe

Kristen Andrews said...

too funny and the last one is the best of all!

Rue said...

I think my eyeballs are scared after seeing the "fur" people.. AHHHHHHHHH....

missed you!
rue

♥ Braja said...

I missed these posts of yours so much my friend...xoxoxo

Yaya said...

Oh my gosh, a funeral as a gift. Oy.


I so wanna get that golf club for my hubby as a gag gift!


And I'm going to check out that hubby bashing site now!

The Nice One said...

Another legendary one! Great work!
You mean I am not SUPPOSED to dog on my husband on my blog? If he's stupid enough to do it, I blog it ;)

wendy said...

Ooooo you and your photos are so dang funny. I'd love for all my skinny wishes to come true ---once I get done with the box of chocolates and french fries (love french fries and here in Canada we smoother them with dark gravey---soooooo good)
That "costume" the family is wearing is ----well, disturbing, especially with the little girl holding on to daddy's --you know.
Those shoes are great ---I should wear them to my wedding!!!!
thanks for your kind words on my blog, I appreciated it alot. You, my friend, are great.

Mammatalk said...

Glad you are back!!

Cherie said...

Nikki I use Blurb to make the blog books.

www.blurb.com

They have a tutorial on their site - it is pretty easy and the books turn out wonderful.

Diva Dee said...

This was freaking hilarious! Enjoyed each picture so much, and boy do I agree with you on the "Hope and Change" thing, maybe people will start scraping off their bumper stickers! And yes in some cases planned parenthood would of been much better...
XO Dee

Fifi Flowers said...

You are sooooo FUNNY!!! I really needed a laugh tonight and you gave me some GOOD ONES!!!
Merci Beaucoup!!!
Fifi

JennyMac said...

Those are some of the most humorous pics I have ever seen.

Beth at Aunties said...

Yahoo! Welcome back my friend!!! Your have been sorely missed.

Oh my heart I thought you were just eating ice cream... until I saw those sweet eyes peeping out of the bowl. So cute!.
Love your humor! And that you can keep it real. I busted at the snuggli's! Sweet nuts...I noticed Kristina did too:D LOL
You rock!

~♥

Ter said...

Followed the link on Lilly's blog and ended up here. funny stuff.

Devri said...

Oh lady, I saw you posted.. Yay!

only I am 82 comments late.. sorry for the tardiness-ess

ok I puked in my mouth with the whole costume, first looking at that nasty thing on that man, and then again when I saw the girl playing it..

I for one never had hope for BullBama, and I hate the change!

tiburon said...

You just made me laugh more in that post than I have in a month.

So thank you for that.

Time for my wish. I wish you blogged more often :)

Tulsi said...

I pretty much had a comment for all of these. But I have to TOTALLY AGREE about the planned parenthood.

LORI said...

What fun!!!! Where do you find scary fuzzy naked costumes? I'd love to know how you googled that!!! Too too funny! Miss you!!!!!

jeanne said...

Hi Nikki, thinking about you girl. I've had company all week so visiting is at a premium. sigh.

Have a great day.

Hugs...Jeanne

Sassy said...

you make me smile....I need ed to pop in here today.....thanks...

♥ Dee ♥ said...

Hey, where are you? I missed you these past Wednesdays...

BTW: I've started a new blog strictly for my online peeps. Please don't mention it on my regular blog, but I'd love to have you over there following me!

http://gettingandstayinghealthy.wordpress.com/

Donna said...

HAHAhahaaa....these are great! Good job!

Lori said...

Very funny!!! I love the one about the hope and change.. I wonder if people are having buyers remorse!!! Thanks again for the laugh!!!

Emma said...

Funny. I wish they didn't need all the sign's for the stupid people!!

Kado! said...

so you're telling me I can't dance on the poles that are on the Subway? That is no fun...I guess I'll just be taking cabs now....

...and I'm wondering what else that dentist did for that lady on the poster....maybe he helped her burn some extra calories during that teeth whitening session.....

missed you...glad your back!

Pearl said...

So glad I stopped by to check out your blog ... Just love your sense of humor, and the witty commentary on the pictures! I must confess, at first I thought the whole "pee-putter" thingie meant for the guy to make his "deposit" into the towel ... which, of course, would've made it even worse than it already is! I must be tired ... LOL
Thanks for sharing some laughter!

~ blessings ~
Pearl

Jannie Funster said...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the only blog I split a gut like this at.
Crazy-funny. Thanks

Sara's Sweet Surprise said...

You're bacccccck! I"ve just got back from my summer long blogcation!!

Bathroom golf....puts a new spin on..."hole in one!"

My "see-food" die-it isn't working either. With Miss Lacey as your personal trainer...I see great success and a pair of designer jeans in your future!
It's nice to see your G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S self on FB!

Come on by!
Sweet wishes,
Sara

onlymehere said...

Come out, come out wherever you are! I'm missing Nikki now that she's down on the farm! Okay, truth be told I'm missing Crumpet and Ozzie! LOL!

onlymehere said...

P.S. Honestly, I miss you too!

Gaston Studio said...

You completely disappeared from my blog roll for quite some time! Blogger is giving me tons of problems these days, which I did NOT ask for, but there you go!

At any rate, love your postings and pics, as usual, and glad I've found you again!

Middle Ditch said...

Very funny. Where on earth did you find those hilarious pictures?

onlymehere said...

I feel like I'm turning into a stalker here. Just wanted you to know that I miss you and hope everything's okay! Cindy

Susie Q said...

YOU are so funny girlie...now quit faming and get back to blogging at least a little!! Where else will we get our laughs!!

Heather @ Sugar N Spice Mostly Nice said...

I was thinking about your Wednesday posts this morning and missing you! Hope all is going well!!

the voice of melody said...

Loved the cat in the bowl! How funny! Now I'm off to the dentist so I can fit in my skinny jeans again. ;)

 

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